Yesterday I was at the book store searching for Christmas gifts for my newest nephew and niece. I wanted something that would catch their attention–maybe something that had fun textures to touch and feel–but also something that would be entertaining for their parents to read. Tall order, I know. But it’s fun to be an aunt so I was on a serious mission.

Sitting on my knees so I could see the bottom shelf, I came across this book.

Was it serious? Was it a joke? No clue. It was brightly colored with fun drawings, and I was really curious, so I pulled it out for a look.

Well, it wasn’t a joke. It wasn’t trying to be funny at all. On the acknowledgement page the author thanked the strong women in her life that had influenced her and taught her how to be her best self. That’s nice, but if the best you can be involves some of the traits celebrated in that book…well….I hardly know what to say.

You see, I am not so sure I’m a feminist.

In the traditional definition of the word, I am. I believe women and men are created equal. Different, but equal. People should be treated equally irregardless of their gender. Opportunities, responsibilities, salaries: none of these should be based on whether or not someone has a Y chromosome. They should be awarded based on performance. Respect should be given based on the fact that someone is a human being…and nothing else.

However, the definition of this word has morphed through the years however, and now has a very different connotation. In fact, urban dictionary explains it with: “Feminism used to be about women getting the same rights as men, such as the right to vote and equal pay at work. Now feminism is a movement full of women who seem to think that their ability to push a baby out entitles them to bigger and better everything.”

I don’t personally believe that’s true with everyone…but I do feel there is a rising movement of people whose ideals embrace the fact that women are entitled to MORE than men because they have been treated poorly and badly in the past. I don’t deny that sexism exists…and I don’t deny that women have had to fight hard for equal treatment. I also don’t think that total equality has been achieved between the sexes.

I do believe in fairness and equal opportunity.
I don’t believe that opportunities should be awarded based on the fact that someone belongs to a group that has been discriminated against in the past.
I also don’t believe that anyone should have special privileges because their “group” has not been treated equally. Equal is equal. If we want to be equal we should be treated equally. The fact that there was a time when women were not considered as important or valued as men, does NOT give me the right today to act in a way that puts men down, is immoral, selfishly indulgent or down right yucky.

Yes. Girls can play with cars and boys can play with dolls. Yes: boys can learn fancy hairstylist moves and girls can learn fancy football plays. BUT: just because a girl can throw an amazing spiral does not mean that throwing toys is ok.

Throwing toys is not ok. Even for feminist baby. It’s not cute, it’s bad behavior for any gender and a good mom or dad will put a stop to it.

Also, just because a person wants to do something doesn’t mean it’s right or that they should. I, for example, want to eat the rest of the Hershey kisses in the bowl next to me. My pants and my pancreas tell me I should not do that, and I’m trying to listen to them, because they’re right. Being a female doesn’t give me the right to do anything I want.

In fact, people have to wear pants. Or skirts. Or dresses. Or something to cover up those areas that aren’t made for general public viewing. It’s kinda funny when little kids protest clothes…but our jobs as parents are to teach them that there are, in fact, life rules that need to be followed. We should want to raise our children believing in gender equality…not in gender-right-to-public-nakedness-because-they-feel-like-it.

My son used a word the other day that I really liked, and I’m stealing it.
“Equalist.”
I looked it up. It’s not a real word. But…I’m keeping it anyway.
This is what I am. An equalist. God created all of us in His image. Boy, girl, hispanic, white, tall, tiny, bald, curvy, wrinkly whatever. His image. He made us the way we are with the gifts we have to do the work He laid out for us way before we were even born.

We have equal chances to do what it is we’re supposed to do. I want to teach my kids that whatever crazy mix of chromosomes and pigments and characteristics they’re made of…they are all equal in His eyes, and mine. They have different abilities and gifts, but they all have to adhere to the same moral code and they all have to work to earn responsibility and privileges. I’m not going to vote for a candidate because she’s a woman. I’m going to vote for the best person for the job. If it’s a gal? Fine! If it’s not? Ok!

Look past the gender and see the person, that’s all I’m saying. If feminist baby has parents that think it’s a fine idea to throw toys and let the toddler dictate the dress code, they’re going to end up with a person who doesn’t understand why the world shouldn’t let them do everything that makes them happy….and this is a person who will be very disappointed in life.

Here’s the best part of the book:

Every baby…”feminist” or not, should have a chance to find their dream and know that with enough work, they can achieve it. Absolutely!

I pray my daughter and my sons will all learn that they are worthy of respect,
that they must give everyone equal respect,
that they have to work hard to earn opportunities,
that they should extend opportunities to others,
that it isn’t ok to be treated differently because of their gender (both the boys AND girl),
and that it isn’t ok to treat others differently because of their gender (both the girl AND the boys).

I also pray they have learned to wear pants and stop throwing toys.